My mom fucking rocks at prank texting just sayin lmao
If you have ever taken a razor blade to that beautiful body of yours, skipped one or more meals, cried yourself to sleep because you never thought you were good enough, attempted any sort of self harm, had thoughts of taking your own life, or actually tried it, HONESTLY reblog this.
THEN RAISE THE FUCK OUT OF OUR KIDS!
AND GIVE YOU ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU’D EVER FUCKING NEED.
AND PAY THE HELL OUT OF THAT FUCKING MORTGAGE.
AND THEN WHEN THE GUTTERS ARE CLOGGED I’LL GET UP THAT FUCKING LADDER AND CLEAN THAT SHIT UP WHILE YOU STAND BY THE KITCHEN WINDOW COMICALLY JUDGING MY WORK.
AND THEN WE CAN VACUUM THE FUCK OUT OF OUR CARPET SO HARD THAT WE’LL HAVE TO GET A NEW ONE.
WE’LL WASH OUR CLOTHES SO GODDAMN FUCKING HARD. FORGET NO RINSE, WE’LL USE HIGH FUCKING SPEED.
BUY A FUCKING MINIVAN TO STUFF OUR BEAUTIFUL FUCKING BABIES INTO IT AND DRIVE THE FUCK OUT OF IT.
THEN WE CAN GO SOME FUCKING PARENT-TEACHER MEETINGS AND MEET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR KID’S TEACHER. THEN JUDGE THE SHIT OF HER IN THE CAR.
AND WE CAN THEN PILE ALL THE CHILDREN IN THE FUCKING MINIVAN AND GO TO THE STORE AND SHOP FOR GROCERIES SO HARD THAT WE ACTUALLY HAVE TO MAKE MORE THAN TWO TRIPS TO GET ALL THAT SHIT INSIDE THE HOUSE.
AND THEN COOK THE FUCK OUT OF OUR KITCHEN UNTIL WE HAVE NO FOOD LEFT AND WE FEAST ON THAT SHIT FOR FUCKING DAYS.
I WILL EAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HOMEMADE COOKIES.
THEN WASH THE SHIT OUT ON THE DISHES TOGETHER UNTIL OUR ENTIRE HANDS GET FUCKING PRUNEY.
WE’LL WATCH OUR KIDS FUCKING GRADUATE AND MOTHER FUCKING TEAR UP LIKE THE BADASS BOSSES WE FUCKING ARE.
WE WILL GROW SO DAMN OLD TOGETHER, WE WILL LOOK LIKE FUCKING RAISINS.
I WILL FUCKING TELL YOU EVERY SINGLE SECOND HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVE YOU.
HOLDING EACH OTHER’S FUCKING HANDS SO HARD THAT WE SHIT OUR SELVES.
UNTIL WE DIE AND ROT AS MOTHERFUCKING CORPSES TOGETHER.
TIL DEATH DO US FUCKIN PART.
HAPPILY EVER FUCKING AFTER.
i fucking love the shit out of this.
I’ll probably reblog this every time it shows up on my dash.
This makes me laugh so hard whenever it comes up. Figured I should probably just reblog it and have it forever.
This is (a) perfect, and (b) forever Karkat in my brain.
Entertain me.?
1. had sex?
2. bought condoms?
3. gotten pregnant?
4. failed a class?
5. kissed a boy?
6. kissed a girl?
7. used a little paper bag for lunch?
8. had a job?
9. slipped on ice?
10. missed the school bus?
11. left the house without my wallet?
12. bullied someone on the internet?
13. sexted?
14. had sex in public?
15. played on a sports team?
16. smoked weed?
17. smoked cigarettes?
18. smoked a cigar?
19. drank alcohol? .
20. watched “The Breakfast Club”?
21. been overweight?
22. been underweight?
23. had an eating disorder?
24. been to a wedding?
25. made fun of someone for being fat?
26. been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
27. watched tv for 5 hours straight?
28. been late for work?
29. been late for school?
30. kissed in the rain?
31. showered with someone else?
32. failed my drivers test?
33. ran a mile in less than 10 minutes?
34. been outside my home country?
35. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours?
36. had lice?
37. gotten my heart broken?
38. had a credit card?
39. been to a professional sports game?
40. broken a bone?
41. been unhappy about my weight?
42. won a trophy?
43. cut myself?
44. had an STD?
45. got engaged?
46. been on a diet?
47. tried out to be on a tv show?
48. rode in a taxi?
49. been to prom?
50. played a drinking game?
51. stayed up for 24 hours or more?
52. been to a concert?
53. had a three-some?
54. had a crush on someone of the same sex?
55. been in a car accident?
56. had braces?
57. learned another language?
58. killed an animal?
59. been at a yard sale?
60. been to a japanese steakhouse?
61. wore make up?
62. talked to someone via webcam?
63. lost my virginity before I was 16?
64. had my wisdom teeth taken out?
65. kissed someone a different race than myself?
66. snuck out of the house?
67. bought porn?
68. had a virus on my computer?
69. had oral sex?
70. dyed my hair?
71. gone skinny dipping?
72. graduated from college?
73. wore someone else’s clothes?
74. voted in a presidential election?
75. rode in an ambulance?
76. rode in a helicopter?
77. caught the stove on fire?
78. got in a verbal fight?
79. met someone famous?
80. been on vacation?
82. been on a boat?
81. been on an airplane?
83. broken something expensive?
84. had surgery?
85. kissed someone before I was 14?
86. beat a video game?
87. found something valuable on the ground?
88. made a survey?
89. stalked someone on a social network?
90. prank called someone?
92. spent over $100 shopping in one day?
91. been to a library outside of school?
93. cut my hair and hated it?
94. peed outside?
95. went fishing?
96. helped with charity?
97. taken a pregnancy test?
98. been rejected by a crush?
99. been suspended from school?
100.broken a mirror?
